Date rules

Don't worry, my Princess is still small.  Not into the dating field for many years more.  But I find this nice picture online for sharing here.

Of course as a mum, I would expect the best for my children, especially my princess.  Maybe because she is a girl and the only princess at home, I would expect myself to be over-proctective and demanding.  Can't blame me right?  Who wouldn't?  But I don't think I would go to any extreme that make me go to jail (Point 9).  *wink*

Move in

You fall in love at first sight! You spending most of the time together and within a month (or week!), you move into his house. Is it the right move or time to live together? What would be the proper duration to move in?

Some couples move faster in relationship than other. Some probably have to wait till marriage then they will move and live together. I am one of the latter group. It is not that I am against those couples that move in before marriage but I have seen and witness a family member's failed marriage.

Here is a true fact about moving in before marriage:

Couples who live together prior to marriage have higher rate of divorce than those move in after marriage

It turns out that the "moving in" time does not strenghten one relationship. Some reasons couples stay together may be of financial, convenience or friends influences. You think that it is "cool" to live with boyfriend, have some one to drive you to work or can save on some expenses. The risk of moving in together too soon is that one of you may succumb to the Temptation to Settle for Less because it’s much harder to break up if you are staying in together.

So when would be the right time to move in? One would be when your relationship has reach the peak of maturity. Meaning you are so committed to each other and marriage is in the mind. You have same agenda and goals. Your relationship is solid as rock.

So if you just met someone and thinking of moving in with him, please take a breather and do not let the heart rules your judgement. You may be excited about him at first, but down few months later, he may not be the one that you are looking for. Moving in is definitely not a right solution of conveniences. Better wait till you are sure of your feeling.

Mr Right

Please do not get me wrong. My relationship with Big J is as strong as ever. Just that I recently read an article on relationship and I could not help myself to post it here for sharing. Please read on.......

DID I MARRY THE RIGHT PERSON?


During one of our seminars, a woman asked a common question. She said, "How do I know if I married the right person?" I noticed that there was a large man sitting next to her so I said, "It depends. Is that your husband?" In all seriousness, she answered "How do you know?"

Let me answer this question because the chances are good that it's weighing on your mind.

Here's the answer. EVERY relationship has a cycle. In the beginning, you fell in love with your spouse/partner. You anticipated their call, wanted their touch, and liked their idiosyncrasies (unconventional behavior/habit) .

Falling in love with your spouse wasn't hard. In fact, it was a completely natural and spontaneous experience. You didn't have to DO anything. That's why it's called "falling" in love... Because it's happening TO YOU.

People in love sometimes say, "I was swept of my feet." Think about the imagery of that expression. It implies that you were just standing there; doing nothing, and then something came along and happened TO YOU.

Falling in love is easy. It's a passive and spontaneous experience. But after a few years of marriage, the euphoria (excitement) of love fades. It's the natural cycle of EVERY relationship. Slowly but surely, phone calls become a bother (if they come at all), touch is not always welcome (when it happens), and your spouse's idiosyncrasies, instead of being cute, drive you nuts.

The symptoms of this stage vary with every relationship, but if you think about your marriage, you will notice a dramatic difference between the initial stage when you were in love and a much duller or even angry subsequent stage.

At this point, you and/or your spouse might start asking, "Did I marry the right person?" And as you and your spouse reflect on the euphoria of the love you once had, you may begin to desire that experience with someone else. This is when marriages or relationship breakdown. People blame their spouse/partner for their unhappiness and look outside their marriage/relationship for fulfillment.

Extramarital fulfillment comes in all shapes and sizes. Infidelity is the most obvious. But sometimes people turn to work, a hobby, excessive TV, or abusive substances.

But the answer to this dilemma does NOT lie outside your marriage. It lies within it. I'm not saying that you couldn't fall in love with someone else. You could.

And TEMPORARILY you'd feel better. But you'd be in the same situation a few years later. Because (listen carefully to this):

THE KEY TO SUCCEEDING IN MARRIAGE/RELATIONSHIP IS NOT FINDING THE RIGHT PERSON; IT'S LEARNING TO LOVE THE PERSON YOU FOUND.

SUSTAINING love is not a passive or spontaneous experience. It'll NEVER just happen to you. You can't "find" LASTING love. You have to "make" it day in and day out. That's why we have the expression "the labor of love." Because it takes time, effort, and energy. And most importantly, it takes WISDOM. You have to know WHAT TO DO to make your marriage/relationship work. Sure true love can only happen after you've fallen out of love. When you begin choosing to love, even if you don't feel like doing it ---- that's true love. And that's the foundation of a lasting and strong marriage.

Make no mistake about it. Love is NOT a mystery. There are specific things you can do (with or without your spouse) to succeed with your marriage.

Just as there are physical laws of the universe (such as gravity), there are also laws for relationships. Just as the right diet and exercise program makes you physically stronger, certain habits in your relationship WILL make your marriage stronger. It's a direct cause and effect. If you know and apply the laws, the results are predictable. .. you can "make"love.

Love is indeed a "decision".. . Not just a feeling. You'll not just go away with your relationship just because the feeling is gone. In the Bible, love is a command. You make it happen.

Remember this always:

"God determines who walks into your life. It is up to you to decide who you let walk away, who you let stay, and who you refuse to let go." - Ruth Beltran

It's inspiring, isn't it?

He did it!

Baby Jay is very close to Big J lately. Maybe because Big J look after him more than I did! *wink*

Since I started my shop 3 months ago, I seldom have the time and energy to look after Baby Jay. Sometimes I feel sorry for him, but I know everything I do now is for the children' future. They would not know much now, but someday they will understand my sacrifice.

Every night Big J would bring the children back from baby sitter's and sometimes have dinner together with me, otherwise he will eat take-away at home. He will feed, change and bathe the children. So by the time I reach home after 10pm, most of the times the children have dozed off. If the children are awake, either Princess reading her books on the bed and Baby Jay disturbing and making messes in the room. So it would be my turn to put the children to sleep.

I just want to say I am proud of Big J. He has been able to handle the children and whether he likes it or not, he finally did it. He can take care of the children and I really appreciate what he does. *wink* It just to show how important is in a family, both husband and wife need to be responsible and able to take the responsibility to look after the children. And it just feel great when your husband suddenly say to you "Darling, now I know how hard it is to look not only one but two kids. I admire you. Now I know how it feels" Lol!

Looking at the kids

Looking at my 2 kids, I feel like I have accomplished half of what I should have done on earth. Proud mum of 2 adorable kids, but sometimes they can make me pull my hair and blood boiling. Most of the times, looking at their faces, all stresses and bad moods are gone.

Big J and I shared responsibilities of taking care of each kid. Big J and Princess Jan used to quarrel a lot, but now that Princess Jan is grown up, she hardly talk back. She still sleep with her aunt. We let her be. She has grown attached to her aunt lately.

As for Baby Jay, he is getting more active. I having backaches from carrying him around. Babysitter is telling me to get some baby cereal for Baby Jay as she noticed that he keeps asking for milk every 2 hours. Look like he is not getting enough from his milk. So I must reminded myself to hunt for baby cereal this weekend.

It is tough to allocate equal time for both kids. I feel guilty of not spending time with my Princess and hardly got time to check on her schooling. Big J is too busy with his work, he hardly have time for the kids, not to mention me! However I do reminded Big J from time to time that we must have a "family day", i.e. on Sunday. All handphones are off and no appointments on Sunday. Fair enough, right?

So on Sunday, we will go to church and breakfast in the morning. Then spending time in front of tv or lazy in the room. Nothing special but I like the feeling of everyone together.

It may be hard to take care of 2 kids. But the smiles they show on the faces and when they call you "mummy", the feeling is great. I am sure all mothers would feel the same.

Look does matter

Some people said that once you are married, you tend to be less fussy about how you look, especially the wives. I partly agreed on this comment.

Reason of being when you have children, you do not have much times to look beautiful. Too much times put onto taking care of kids and doing the house chores. The time of “looking beautiful” or “impress” my husband tend to diminish. Probably after few years of marriage, we getting used to each other and outer beauty is no longer that important.

However, there is time when I want to look and feel good in front of Big J. Like on certain occasions. I have few female friends, after few years of marriage, they are not in particular about their look and body anymore. Their waistline grows and they do not care much about putting on make up or dressed up. Their husbands do not mind, but be frank. Do they really do not care about their wife’s appearance? Do they compare their wives with other women when they going out together? Let be frank. Have you ever thought about what your husband think about your appearance?
I do not know about you, “inner beauty” is important and so is “outer beauty”. There must be one time when you wish you would look beautiful and feel good about yourself. You would like your husband to feel proud of you. Some more, I think when you feel good about yourself, you bring out the “inner beauty” more and confident about yourself.

So, I may have been married to Big J for 5 years, but I still want to look good for him. Even it is 10 or 15 years or more, I still want to age gracefully. Big J always commented that he loves me no matter how I look; fat or ugly. Yes, that does sound very assuring. Whether I believe him or not, it is not the issue here. I want to look good not only for him, but for myself!! *wink*

When is right time for sex?

In any relationship, sex is one of the important ingredients in ensuring success of the relationship. To avoid much headache and heartache, one must take the right steps in knowing when it is the right time to have sex


#1
Talk about sex with your partner. Find out what he or she thinks and honestly state your position. If it is uncomfortable, then sex will be too

#2
Think how much you know your partner. Sex is nothing but trust and intimacy, so make sure you have that with each other beforehand.

#3
Ask yourself how passionate you are about your partner.

#4
Date for a while. Be comfortable with each other before going further

#5
Little things like hugs and kisses are good indicators that sex is an appropriate set.

#6
Always think of safe sex. Take the necessary precautions so sex can be enjoyable, both during and afterwards

#7
Relax. Do not anticipate much, just have fun
.

10 commandments in marriage

Got this email from a friend. Disclaimer : I am not discouraging you to get married, and the following are for reading pleasure only

COMMANDMENT 1

Marriages are made in heaven.
But so are thunder and lightning.

COMMANDMENT 2

If you want your wife to listen and pay strict attention to every
Word you say, talk in your sleep.

COMMANDMENT 3

Marriage is grand -- and divorce is at least 100 grand!

COMMANDMENT 4

Married life is very frustrating.
In the first year of marriage, the man speaks and the woman listens.
In the second year, the woman speaks and the man listens.
In the third year, they both speak and the neighbors listen.

COMMANDMENT 5

When a man opens the door of his car for his wife, you can be sure
Of one thing: Either the car is new or the wife is.

COMMANDMENT 6

Marriage is when a man and woman become as one;
The trouble starts when they try to decide which one.

COMMANDMENT 7

Before marriage, a man will lie awake all night thinking about
Something you say. After marriage, he will fall asleep before you
Finish.


COMMANDMENT 8

Every man wants a wife who is beautiful, understanding, economical,
And a good cook. But the law allows only one wife.

COMMANDMENT 9

Marriage and love are purely matter of chemistry.
That is why wife treats husband like toxic waste.

COMMANDMENT 10

A man is incomplete until he is married.
After that, he is finished..

BONUS COMMANDMENT STORY
A long married couple came upon a wishing well.
The husband leaned over, made a wish and threw in a penny.
The wife decided to make a wish too.
But she leaned over too much, fell into the well, and drowned.
The husband was stunned for a moment but then smiled and said,
Hey! This thing really works!

Marriage-savvy

Like in all Disney stories, the prince and princess lived happily ever after. But real life marriage is not a fairy tale and doesn’t work that way. With increasing rate of marriages ending in divorces, it is crucial for couples to ensure their marriages work.

Before they take the important step in sealing the vow of marriage, some issues are best discussed first hand to avoid conflict and misunderstanding in the future:

Money Issue
Money is always one of the factors that affect a marriage. Discuss well before marriage on how both of you can budget your money. List down the basic expenditure and either you share some of the expenditure or one person responsible for certain items.

Conflict solving
Conflicts and disagreements are part and parcel of marriages. Do not try to change your spouse into some one you want them to be because it wouldn’t happen. Do not used hurtful words that you may regret later. Respect and understand each other.

How many children should we have?
Before married, Big J has said that he wish to have 3 children where as I want to stick to 2. We are still working on the number but the important issue here is to discuss on how many children both of you would like to have. Having children is hard and can put a toll on your relationship in later stage. It is impossible for parents to maintain intimacy in relationship.

Live with different faiths
Religion defines belief, behaviors, values and lifestyle. I am from a family that practice Buddhist while Big J is a Christian. Conflicts do arise in an inter-faith marriage, but sit down and discuss on how to deal with different practices. We have to respect each other and making adjustment.

In-laws and own family
It is not just you and your spouse but each other families too. They can be a blessing as well as distraction to your new family. Keep in mind no matter how much our extended family drives us crazy, they are there to enrich our lives and children’s lives immeasurably

Time for each other
Romance in a relationship lasts for about 6 months to 1 year. When couples marry, the challenge is to maintain that passion for a life time. Making times for each other despite busy work schedule. Even better, get someone to baby-sit your children and you and spouse can have some personal time together.

How well do you understand men?

I never understand men!! Honestly! Even this quiz say otherwise. Men is totally different from women in behaviour, feeling and action. i never understand them.......hhhmmmppp

You Have Your PhD in Men

You understand men almost better than anyone.You accept that guys are very different, and you read signals well.Work what you know about men, and your relationships will be blissful.

Want to know your level of understanding about men??

Men and sex

You may think that men want sex all the time, right? You would be surprise that it is not always the case. Surprise, surprise!!!

That is a common misunderstanding and it is based on the mistaken belief that men are wired to want sex whenever they can get it.

Here are some interesting (but true) reason why men reject sex (taken from HealthToday):

Medication
Antidepressants are often the culprit when a man has a lowered interest in sexual activity.

Lack of sleep
The opportunity to have sex will often overwhelm the desire to sleep for younger men. This is also often true when a relationship is brand new. But as people age, sex lose its compelling attraction and sleep seem more tempting.

Hormonal levels
Testosterone level is relevant to how much sex he desires.

Quality over quantity
Some men will rather avoid sex altogether than to have sex that is not fulfilling to them.

Stress
Stress comes in many forms and may stem from financial difficulties, personal or family problem.

Disagreement
When you are in argument most of the time, men will avoid sex or just plain refuse their partner’s advance.


If your man does not want sex, the worst thing you could do is to criticize or belittle his manhood. Find out the cause of his lack of interest, when necessary, obtain professional help.

Depressed women turns to their girlfriends

When you feel like having a shoulder to cry on, would you turn to your boyfriends or girlfriends? Studies reveal that depressed women that go to boyfriends for comfort will end up even more depressed. Why? Generally men will shunned from comforting their girlfriends as they do not really know how to deal with such situation and give advices to their depressed girlfriends.

Depression is common among women than men. It is generally defined as two or more weeks of symptoms that can include feelings of hopelessness, anxiety, insomnia or oversleeping and eating disorder.

Young women struggling with depression often seek emotional support from their boyfriend. However they are not doing themselves any favours. Boyfriends tend to detach themselves from depressed girlfriends while female friends move in closer to provide a shoulder to cry on. The more depressed a girl becomes, the less supportive her boyfriend is and the more supportive her girlfriend is.

Girlfriends will not hesitate to knock at your doors and comfort you when you are in distress. The research also shown that levels of support went up among close female friends and dropped among boyfriends during times of depression. The support from girlfriends is soothing as they are more comfortable about being empathetic and listening, Many girlfriends like being caretakers and caregivers. With boys when a fiend of theirs is down, they may retreat more from the relationship

So, turn to your girlfriends if you want to feel better. Girlfriends are for keeping.

Commitment in relationships

Your man may loves and adores you but he may not take it easy when ask him to commit himself fully to you. Try the following steps to make it easy for him:

1) Make it easy for him to confide in you by listening without giving him advice or criticising him.
2) Make your man feel special by showing him that you love him for himself alone.
3) Try to be natural.
4) Give your man the sense that he can keep his freedom - at least to a reasonable degree.
5) Don't let him do too much for you or spend too much, (even if he volunteers).
6) Don't make your man jealous as a device to build his interest in you.
7) Insist on sexual fidelity once you feel you need it.
8) Help your man to accept the fact that he needs you and loves you.
9) After a few months, insist that your man introduce you to his family and friends and to anyone important in his life.

10) Guard against giving your man more than you really want to over a long period of time

Ways to win his mates

Your boyfriend has many buddies, they may don’t like on first impression or ignore you as to them, they think you are hijacking their buddy away on Friday nights for your self. No matter how much you dislike his buddies, or how immature their behaviour is, the truth is that his buddies are there to stay. Find ways to get along with them. You will never get rid of them, so instead find a way to get them on your side.

1. Talk about sports. Most men love football. Read the sports pages regularly so you are updated and know what is going on
2. Ask if they can make you a copy of their favourite CD even you don’t like it
3. Strike a friendship with their girlfriends so you don’t feel left out and a part of the gang
4. Ask them questions about them to show you care and want to know them well
5. Offer to sit in the backseat every now and then, to show you are not possessive about being next you your boyfriend
6. Tell them how lucky your boyfriend are to have them and they are a good bunch of guys
7. Ask advices from them on what present should you get for your boyfriend on his birthday or other special occasion

Good luck!

Two hearts apart

I have never been in a long distance relationship, so not much of an expert to comment on such topic! However I do have few friends that had or currently having long distance relationship, with one here and other across the South China Sea! Distance is not big, with the convenience of air flight, internet and mobile phones in modern world.

However, does long distance relationship usually last? Does distance make hearts ponder? Does it make you long for your lover’s touch?? Does distance make relationships grow stronger and bind a couple together in the end? Some long distance relationships do survive obstacles but not all! When you are apart, you tend to think of other often especially in first few months, but as time passes; you may tend to get used to the idea of being apart. You are no longer feeling attached to someone special!

How to make it works for you if you are currently in one or considering one in future? The very most important thing is to tell yourself that the time spending apart should be satisfying and even more exciting than when you are together! It may be dreadful for first few months when you are separated as you could not stop thinking of him! Finally when you have accepted that he is no where near you, you should start finding some activities for yourself! Start filling up those free times by doing something you have longed for! Enrol in those cooking class that you have always dream of, organize outings with your long-lost friends and list down those things that you want to do! Keep yourself busy!

Secondly, long distance relationship involves trust and what to expect out of it! Keep each other informed of your daily activities and new friendships with other people. Continue to make your other half a part of your life! Keeping each other well informed would make the other feel safe and secure of the relationship! Being clear about what you both want is extremely important too, especially in a long distance relationship, in order to prevent future misunderstandings and mistakes. Do not feel afraid to tell your partner what you really need and want from him or her, you deserve the chance to speak from your heart and he or she deserves to know the truth and judge whether they can give it to you.

Although you cannot be romantic in the sense that psychically your lover is not around, there is always way to tell him or her that you miss or love them! You can do this by sending love poems, short messages, or cards and even flowers or gifts delivered to their door step. Always think of creative way to make your relationship interesting and lively!

With the right amount of effort and interest on both parts, a long distance relationship can survive the obstacles it will frequently be challenged with. As long as you both refresh your memories of why you chose to do this in the first place, trust each other, inform one another of your personal lives, keep in touch, and visit, your relationship can turn out to be one of the most successful and happy relationships that ever existed. You both will be secure, happy and satisfied until the day comes when you will re-unite for good and build your wonderful future together.

Telepathy breakdown?

Have you ever encountered the time when u expect your other half to understand you better than normal time? Like expecting them to do this, but they didn’t do. Even after hinting to them, they still don’t take the cue. End up, you grumbling and angry with him without him even knowing why you are angry at?? Sound familiar?

I guess, as you have been living together for a while, you are taking your partner for granted. You expecting your other half to have telepathy skill and they will know what you want without you telling them directly in their face. LOL! I found out that this is not so true!

So, to avoid any communication breakdown, always follow the following tips:

Tip #1 : Never expect your partner to (fully) understand what you say. Out for 10 words, they are only able to receive 5 words out from your mouth. So keep remind them from time to time even when they said you are becoming like an old person nagging at a young child.

Tip #2 : No matter how long you have been with that person, everyday is a new day. So expect something new out from that person. He may suddenly not keen into music, but one day, he may knock at your door, saying he enroll in a music class!

Tip #3: Don’t trust your telepathy skill. Say what you want to say, don’t expect he or she to be able to know what you are thinking. Let him stop guessing. He cant read what on your mind, he is not GOD! So, if you want that diamond ring you have been longing for, say it out loud!

Excite your marriage life

I am not an expert in marriage counseling, but with some reading and personal experience, I have gathered few ideas to ignite the fire in our marriage life. For those that plan to tie the knot soon or feeling bored after many years of marriage, please take note on the following ways:

Get temporary amnesia
When you are out in company and your hubby is telling a joke he has been telling millions of times, pretend you are hearing it for first time. Watch how animatedly he tells his tale – you may see him through new eyes and rekindle your appreciation for him

Get a hobby
Go biking or bowling, or visit a spa – whatever you used to enjoy before you married. Carve out some treats for yourself. You will have more energy for your life and more to talk about with your hubby too

Watch him do what he does best
Grab the kids and watch him while he plays his weekly tennis game, or hang out and admire his karaoke singing. Observing your hubby while he is doing something will give you a thrill as you think “He is good and he is mine!”

Do something unusual
Suggest a camping weekend, or surprise him with a fancy homemade breakfast in bed. He will be impressed.

Right here and then
When the mood strikes, do not hesitate to let him know you are thinking of him – send him a romantic SMS, or call to say how much you appreciate him. It may not look as if he cares, but inside, he is glowing with pride

Make Time for Each Other

Romance in a relationship usually last 6 months to a year. When couples marry, the challenge is to maintain that passion for a lifetime. However, once you are married, you tend to forget each other's needs.

To enhance the sharing of each other, there must be an effort and time from both spouses to create a space where you can be alone with each other. This is even more important once you have kids. No matter how busy you are with your work or other family commitment, it is vital to have some time for other, such as fixing a candlelight dinner, go for a movie or go on a holiday together.

Making time for each other does not mean sitting in front of TV for 3 hours as it does not and very little involvement or communication in it! You got married because you want to spend time together. All very often you tend to forget and take each other for granted. It does not only involve a pattern of just surviving day by day basis, but rather on living and enjoying each other for the rest of your life!

Money money money

Number one issue within married relationships is communication about money! How you handle money issues is important in having a successful marriage life.

People always said that love is a foundation to a successful marriage. Love is the greatest thing to have happened in your life, but unfortunately to say that if you have no money to pay your monthly bills, school fees for your children, then it will cause a big stress in marriage life and ruin relationships among husband and wife.

We need to be realistic here! Without money, you would be unhappy thinking of all those stuff you need to settle isn’t it? I am not that type of woman that go for money, otherwise I wouldn’t choose my Big J as he is not from a wealthy family. :) Love is what bring us together. We do encounter some bad and good times when it come to money, but we manage to overcome them together.

So my advice to couples is no matter how tight you are in term of money, you should be going through the bad and good time lovingly together. Before you plan to settle down, please discuss and list down those money issues properly, i.e who should settle what, how to settle, how much to save and invest, etc. Those come in handy once you start a family.

Better to say nothing or else.......

It is advisable and recommended for men not to say or comment anything during an argument!

Firstly, admit you are at fault. Secondly, even you are right, just admit it is your fault. Your wife wouldnt want to know you are always on the right side. It is better to let your women win! Otherwise, you know what you get.

A cold war! Cold treatment. No single word coming out from the women' mouths! If you dont want to talk to the walls all the time, just keep everything to yourself and agree with your women.

That is a good advice, trust me. Do not mend with women.